If you’re not in them, and no one’s having sex… who cares? This one’s about my dreams, and you’ll notice there’s an “emo” tag. You’ve been warned.

I had a dream about time travel. Time machines had been invented and weren’t that hard to make use of, but you could only use them once. Forward or back to any year you want, but where you go, you stay. I went backwards. I think my logic was to live in “simpler times”.

The history I went back to wasn’t accurate at all. There were elements in it from multiple decades, and this actually didn’t make sense to me IN the dream. The main feel was early 1900’s (steampunk fan much?). I was in the USA, but we were using Swiss Francs. I specifically had an issue with this because I had gone back with American dollars from the time I was supposed to be going to, and had to find a way to get money that was usable. I got accepted into some sort of ivy league university, studying to become a lawyer. An old friend of mine, Matt Holly, was there… twice. I guess he had gone back in time to go to school, but there was already a Matt Holly there, for reasons I don’t understand and didn’t get to explore.

Liv Tyler was in all my classes. I met her at registration and immediately turned on the charm (of course). I think somehow I ended up getting assigned to live in the closet of her and her roommates dorm, due to the boys dorm being full (give me a break, it was a dream). She was the obvious love interest in this picture, but it never got that far. The setup happened. We got assigned a partners project in our Business/Economics class.  We were supposed to be acting out a retail transaction where one of us was supposed to buy some sort of 3D player (super anachronism) from the other one. We were sitting in the classroom after class had ended, and I noticed she looked sad about something. When I asked her about it, she started to cry, but before I could get her to tell me what was wrong, I woke up.

I opened my eyes and stared at the side of my bed reserved for my phone, laptop, reading material, laundry, and other random storage, and was just bothered. I knew I was dreaming while I was dreaming, but I think that may have made the sense of… [loss? sadness? lonliness? lack of accomplishment?] that I felt, worse. It allowed me to wish it was real while I was experiencing it, knowing it was going to end.

I have a recurring dream about Monterey and cigars. There’s a special shop there that I couldn’t find if I wanted to. I walk around it just taking in the rich smells. I’m not alone. The girl that I’m with shows me her favorites. She picks up Claros and Colorados and Maduros, showing them to me and explaining the differences. We head back into the smoking room after selecting a couple. I let her do most of the selecting. The guy running the shop, who’s been flirting with her since we walked in, comes back briefly. He senses that flirting is as far as he’s going to get, and he heads back to the front of the store after some small talk. She sits in my lap and we slowly fade into a haze of smoke and memories. She tells me stories about her dad. She cries. I hold her. When we leave, it’s dark outside. Were we really in there that long? We walk down to the beach hand in hand. We talk, we argue, we laugh. We share our first kiss on a beach in Monterey. Someone takes a picture of it. The flash wakes me up.

I know immediately why there was a picture taken at that moment.  It’s because the picture hangs on the wall in my room above my bed.  It’s blank, of course, because it hasn’t actually been taken. Never will be taken.

I just realized that Liv Tyler reminds me of her.

Damn these dreams. Taunting me with things that are just… out of reach. I often wake up with tears in my eyes, like part of me knew the dream was ending and had started crying before I was actually concious.  The sadness only lasts as long as it takes me to shake myself fully awake, but while it’s there, it’s deep.  I practiced lucid dreaming for a while, hoping that I could eventually control them.  Instead they just became more real.  I was able to remember them more clearly.  Figures…  This is probably why I don’t sleep very often.

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